So apparently there are some bad people on the internet, and they're offering naive folks cookies in exchange for stealing the souls of said innocents' first-born sons. Or something.

So, in an unusually candid gesture of goodwill, I thought I should point out that I and the team of kidnapped-in-early-childhood slave-labourers employed at Greyhead towers have precisely zero interest in you, your soul, cookies, European cookie law - whatever the deuce that may be - or Ceiling Cat.

This website will almost certainly try to put a cookie on your computer. C'mon, it's a website. They do that kind of stuff - if it was a dog, it would do dog stuff. How many dogs do you see with a mandatory faffin' European Court Of Human Rights warning that they may or may not try to have sex with, wee on, poo on, or roll around in, your personal space?

All this website's poor cookies do is tell this website (not me, you'll note, since I don't care) that you've been here before, and if you're logged in to the site (here's a pro-tip: if you're not me, you won't be. Logged-in I mean, not humped-by-a-dog-with-an-ECHR-health-warning).

In any case, what this cookie won't do - although it probably should - is say "wow, you've seriously come back here for a second time? What the hell's wrong with you that you think that's in any way a good idea?".

... I mean, if web browser cookies could speak. Which they can't. I assume you understand why that is? (If not, there's absolutely nothing I can do to help bridge this educational gap before either your attention span peters out or I die of old age).

Anyway, I think I've covered everything some dusty Belgian law-maker says I have to say... At least, I have in my head: it's not my fault if you're sitting in front of your computer with a bemused expression wondering how the hell you've just been robbed of the last two minutes of your life reading this.

Well, okay, maybe it's sliiiightly my fault but, y'know, it's the internet. Bad things happen. At least I didn't offer you a cookie...


Would you like a cookie?